Before you get your panties all wadded, let me clarify. There is a huge difference between encouraging and teaching your children be religious, and forcing them to.
When I was growing up, I always knew Sundays were the day we went to church. Sometimes I hated it. In fact if we're being honest, most Sundays I probably hated it. When I got to be a teenager I think I hated it even more. I didn't hate the church, or the things I learned or the lifestyle I lived. I hated having to get up and go to church! As I got older I started to wonder if I really had to go. Every once in a while, I would fake sick so that I didn't have to go. You can only fake sick so many times before you have to start coming up with other excuses to not go to church. But my parents never told me that I absolutely had to go. They never pulled me out the door kicking and screaming. They simply told me that it was my decision, but I would have to face the consequences if I chose not to go. Obviously I always chose to go to church because Heaven only knows what consequences my parents could come up with if I chose to skip church! My parents also never told me I had to live the Gospel. They never told me it was the only way, that if I didn't choose it they would disown me. They always allowed me to make my own decisions about where I wanted my life to go. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for parents who have allowed me to be my own person and who have trusted me to make my own decisions.
I was lucky to have those kind of parents, because I watched kids who had the opposite kind. Let me preface this by first saying, I am not a judgmental person. I do not look at other people and think that because they are "sinning differently than I am" that they are terrible people. I don't care what decisions other people make. But, I don't agree with, or particularly like, people who lie and put on fake faces to appease those around them. I remember watching kids in high school who weren't necessarily living the lives that they said they were living on Sunday. They were those "Sunday Mormons." I would watch them go to church on Sunday, mostly because mom and dad said so, and then go smoke some pot and get nasty with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I knew they probably shouldn't be joining us for baptisms at the temple, or passing the sacrament. And again, let me say, there were times when I wasn't at a good place either. I'm not here to say I'm perfect or to judge anybody. There were probably times when I was that Sunday Mormon. But I don't think it really hit me until recently, when I listened to my little brother talk about the things some of the kids talk about in the school halls, or the things they do, and then I see those same kids at church on Sunday or going to do baptisms for the dead in the temple, or acting like perfect angels around their parents. And then I realized, it's because they feel like they have no choice.
Their parents don't sit down and ask them why they don't want to go to church or to the temple. They don't ask them why they don't feel like passing the sacrament. They don't ask them why they don't want to say the prayer at the dinner table. Instead they assume that it's just teenagers being teenagers. They tell them they don't have a choice but to go to church, and that's what the kids believe. Please parents, stop. This is SO HARMFUL. Let me tell you why.
1. It makes your children believe that if they make a mistake, they can't come to you and talk to you about it because you will immediately be angry, instead of talking them through their struggles.
2. It really makes your children believe they have no choice. They can't choose to go to church, they can't choose to attend the temple, they can't choose what they want to believe. They are told.
3. Children who are forced to do things will do the exact opposite. It's like the Law of Gravity. If you tell a child or teenager to do something, or not to do something, they are going to do the opposite. It's just how they're wired, it happens. So telling them that they don't have a choice but to go to church and live the Gospel will make them want to do the exact opposite, and there is a chance that they will end up hating the church later in life. Force a kid to eat broccoli their whole life? Sure there's a chance it'll end up being their favorite vegetable, but it could also end up being the one thing they will never eat.
4. When you shelter your children from everything bad in this world, they're going to go crazy when they finally get to experience reality. I have a cousin whose college roommate wouldn't go swimming with them because she believed swimming with boys would get her pregnant. COLLEGE. If you don't tell your kids what sex is, how are they going to know when they're doing it? If you don't teach them the dangers of drug addiction, how will they know to stay away from them when one of their friends offers? If you keep your child sheltered, they will experiment. You cannot keep the evil of the world from them forever. You can, however, teach them about it. Teach them what sex is, when it should happen, and what can come as a result of having sex. Teach them about the drugs that are out there, what happens when you take them, and why people become addicted to them. Teach them about the evils of the world so that when they are faced with temptations, they know how to react to them.
5. When you teach your children that they have to go to church, have to attend the temple, have to pass the sacrament, etc., when they are feeling uncomfortable or unworthy, you teach them that it is okay to do these things unworthily. What happens when your teenage daughter has sex, and tells you that she doesn't want to go to the temple for baptisms for the dead, and instead of asking her why, you tell her she has to go? She goes. Unworthily, and she knows it. But she did it once, didn't she? So why wouldn't she do it again?
6. Your children will never develop their own testimonies if they aren't allowed to make their own choices. I've always believed in the LDS Gospel. I've never doubted it. However, I always had a hard time relating to the Atonement, until I started making my own decisions. I didn't make the best ones, and I certainly had some missteps. But because my parents allowed me to make my own decisions and choices, I developed my OWN testimony. I no longer have to be told that the Atonement is for me, I KNOW for myself that it is for me. I know because I have had to use it in my own life to fix my mistakes. It's okay for your kids to mess up. It's okay for them to make mistakes, for them to be imperfect. That is the way for them to develop their own testimonies, for them to truly experience the things that we are constantly taught. Make sure that they know this. Make sure they know you will love them and accept them no matter what.
Don't force your children to go to church. Don't force them to go to the temple, or to pass the sacrament. If they are feeling uncomfortable or are making excuses, ask them why. Tell them that it is okay to make mistakes, it's okay to mess up. That's the beauty of the Atonement of our Savior. We can mess up and make mistakes, and we can fix those mistakes. Teach your children that they can make their own choices. Teach them that they can choose to participate in religious activities, but if they choose not to, they will have to suffer the consequences, whether those consequences come from you or Heavenly Father. Teach your children. Encourage them, guide them, and love them. Don't force your children to be religious. Instead, give them the tools they need to make righteous decisions.
Love,
Harmonie
Monday, October 12, 2015
Sunday, August 9, 2015
If You Can't Respect The Sanctity of Your Marriage, Why Did You Get Married?
Growing up, I watched and heard about a few people I knew get divorced. I heard about men and women who were unfaithful in their relationships. I saw media outlets bombard celebrities who were caught cheating. And then I saw healthy relationships. Marriages where couples fought to stay together, despite all the odds and trials. I don't think I ever realized the effects of divorce and infidelity. Until I got married I didn't fully comprehend the reality of a lifetime commitment. It's hard, and there are some days that I feel completely overwhelmed, but I know I will never walk away. I'll never give up or sacrifice the marriage I have to see if there is something better than what I've got. But it seems like in this day and age, that's exactly what people want to do. When times get tough, or when people see someone who has more money, sex appeal, or whatever it is, they bolt. People are too scared to fight for their marriages. They walk away at the first sign of difficulty, or when something new and appealing passes by.
I don't think I knew, despite seeing divorces happen growing up, just how common they are. Being married to someone in the military is tough, but I can't say the challenges it presents are tougher than those that others face. But I have seen more divorce, infidelity and disrespect in marriages in the last two years than I ever knew existed. Why? Why do people give up so easily? Why do they run when a challenge presents itself? Why can't they stay faithful to the person they promised to stay faithful to until death? Why is it so easy to walk away from something you were once so committed to? Why did you get married if you couldn't respect the sanctity of your marriage?
I completely recognize that sometimes there are issues in marriage that cannot be solved. Abuse and serious issues are things no one should have to live with. No one should feel obligated to spend their lives unhappy, hurt and miserable. But if there are problems that can be solved, if there is something that can be avoided in order to save your marriage, why wouldn't you do it? As I've watched marriages in the community around us crumble, I've noticed some things. I've watched people cheat and lie and walk away, and these are reasons I see behind those actions.
1. Immaturity. I think sometimes people get married too young, or even just too soon. I was 18 when I got married, but I knew I was ready and I knew this marriage was something I would never walk away from. Getting married means growing up. It means taking responsibility and being truly committed to something. But I think people get married sometimes just because the idea of being married sounds fun, or because they are still in the early stage of infatuation and they see the other person as completely perfect. They're in La La Land, and don't realize that they aren't perfect, and neither is their significant other. But then they get married and reality hits. They have to pay bills and work and life isn't what it was when they were dating. They realize they weren't ready to be completely committed to one person. They still want to party and sleep around and enjoy the single life, but they aren't single anymore. Then trust issues develop in the relationship, and before you know it they're on the fast track to a divorce. If you can't grow up, if you can't give up flirting with every person of the opposite sex, if you can't get over wanting to party with your friends every night instead of spending quality time with your spouse, you're not ready to get married. I see some marriages like this. The couple still wants to party and play, and they do, so their relationship doesn't grow. Instead of being a couple in love living together, they act more like roommates. Their relationship doesn't grow or progress. So what's the point of being married?
2. Disrespect. I believe that a key factor in successful relationships is respect. If you can't respect someone, you won't tell them the truth, you won't trust them, and you won't treat them the way they deserve. Why would you stay faithful to someone you don't respect? Why would you want to be in a committed relationship with someone you don't respect? You wouldn't.
3. Addictions. Drugs. Video Games. Pornography. Anything that takes precedence over your marriage. I don't care what people say, I don't care what your argument is. Pornography is devastating to relationships, marriage especially. If you would rather watch porn than be intimate with your spouse, there's a problem. If you have to look at pornography to get aroused so you can be intimate with your spouse, there is an issue. If you stay up until 3 in the morning every night playing video games and your spouse goes to bed alone, there is an issue. If you come home and spend the rest of your day playing games and you never get quality time with your spouse, there is an issue. I recognize that you can't spend 24/7 with your spouse and let go of being your own person. Everyone should be able to have hobbies and participate in things they love. But NOTHING should be a priority over your marriage.
4. Sex is Just Sex. I know couples who go to strip clubs for their date night. Why? You watch someone else to get aroused, and then you are intimate with your spouse? Is that all sex is? Just the simple act? There is no emotion, no love, no connection. I watch couples go through long deployments. It's hard, sure. Do I miss that connection with my husband? Absolutely. But I'm not going to go out and sleep with somebody because to me, sex is not just sex. And it shouldn't be just that. If you can't keep it in your pants for a few months, or even a few days, then you should not be married. Infidelity creates a huge lack of trust. It is a wound that, although can be forgiven, can never be forgotten. If you got married so you can have sex every day, you shouldn't be married. Marriage is about more than that, intimacy is about more than that.
It frustrates me to no end to watch people who can't stay faithful, who are married but don't care to spend time together. Why did you get married? Did you not love that person? Did you not expect to grow old, have children, and make a lifetime of memories with that person? Marriage is a LIFELONG commitment. It should not be something that you look at as expendable. It's not a high school relationship that you can walk away from at any time with no repercussions or consequences. If you are not ready to be completely committed to one person for the rest of your life, save yourself the heartache. If you can't see yourself growing old with that person, walk away. If you aren't ready to make sacrifices and compromises, don't make the commitment. Marriage is sacred and special. It is about love, respect, honor, sacrifice, and so much more. Before you take that step, make sure you are completely committed, and that walking away is not an option. Marriage should be fought for. Fight for your marriage. Love your spouse. Don't ever give up or walk away because it gets hard, or because you think the grass is greener on the other side.
Love, Harmonie
Friday, August 7, 2015
I Got Married When I Was 18 And It Didn't Ruin My Life
I have seen so many blog posts and articles with some variation of the title Why You Shouldn't Get Married Young. I just googled that exact phrase and on the first page there were 8 links to posts about why getting married young is a bad decision. In fact, one article was titled Why I Believe Marriage Shouldn't Be Allowed Before Age 25. It's articles like this one that bother me. She was young and immature. She wasn't ready to get married, and her marriage failed. But that doesn't mean that every person under the age of 25 is immature and unsure of who they are and what they want.
I'm not here to say that getting married at a young age is for everyone. But I don't think any one person should be told when they are ready and should be allowed to get married. From the time I was little all I wanted to be was a mom and a wife. I used to tell my mom that by the time I turned 21, I wanted to be married and have at least one baby. Sure, maybe that was crazy, but it was what I wanted. I was always told I was very mature for my age. I've always known what I wanted to be when I grew up; a wife and mom. Yes, I've always wanted to go to college and perhaps pursue a career, but it has never been my main goal. I had a lot of life experiences that made me grow up fast and prepared me for marriage. My marriage isn't perfect, but I know it was the right decision for me. Marriage didn't ruin my life, it enriches my life every single day. I can, and do, do all the things that these bloggers think only single people can do. Marriage is work! It is full of sacrifice and selflessness and giving up things that you want for the growth of your relationship. The majority of the reasons that these bloggers state for not getting married young are selfish. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself and finding who you are and becoming independent. But there is also nothing wrong with sacrificing things you want for someone else, being a support system for someone, and gaining that support system in return, or changing some of the dreams you had in order to fulfill some of your partner's dreams, or dreams you have together. These are some of these bloggers' reasons to not get married young, and why I disagree.
1. You Need To Sleep Around. Yes this is legit. It's #5 in this article. Good laws people! Really? I NEED to sleep around? I don't NEED to sleep with 15 different guys to decide if I'm going to be happy with the person I marry for the rest of my life. This article states that, "You’re an animal! Literally. It’s in your blood to want to spread your seed, even if you’re a woman. If you’ve only slept with a couple of people and then commit to sleeping with one person the rest of your life…you’ll get “the itch” later down the line." This is why marriages fail! Because people believe there is more for them out there than what they've got. I can't imagine having to sit down with my husband the night of our wedding and have the question of, "How many people have you been with?" come up, as I try to count my fingers, then toes, and then every hair on my head to see if I can remember every person I've slept with. That is not an experience I want. If you got married based on how good your sex life is, then you shouldn't have gotten married. If sex is just some way to release your inner "animal", then you seriously need to reevaluate your life. I learned the hard way that physical intimacy is SPECIAL. It is meant for two people who truly love each other. It connects two people in ways far beyond the realm of their animal instincts.
2. You Make Your Closest Friends While Single. This comes from the same article as above. While I will agree that I made some close friends before I got married, I have also made close friends while being married. Our friendship is not limited to "dinner dates that last for 2 hours, and are way too sober." Actually, we're always sober, and sometimes we do go on dinner dates! But we also spend hours sitting on the couch talking, laughing, and crying. I met one of the best friends I've ever had after I got married and it's a friendship I never would have developed if I wouldn't have gotten married.
3. You Won't Travel As Much/You'll Miss Opportunities/You Won't Meet New People. Also from the same article. FALSE! I'm preparing for my 5th move in two years. I've traveled more in my two years of marriage than I did in my first 18 years of life. I wouldn't have traveled to the places I have if I would've stayed single. I'm not an adventurous person a lot of the time. I'm scared to meet new people, I'm scared to try new things, and I'm scared to go new places. My husband pushes those boundaries and helps me to branch outside my comfort zone. I have done things that I never would've done if he wouldn't have helped me get past my fears and insecurities. I've met people I never would've talked to, gone places I would have only dreamed about, and tried things I never even wanted to try, because I got married. I don't want to travel the world with people I'll never talk to again, or friends who I might not ever see again. I want to travel the world and have adventures with someone who I can reminisce with for the rest of my life! I want to be able to tell our kids about all the things we were able to do and see together.
4. You Need Time To Find Yourself. This is true. It's important to find yourself, to develop confidence and independence and strength within yourself. I truly believe that you can't fully love someone until you love yourself. However, I have learned more about myself through my husband and our experiences together than I ever knew. I've had to learn how independent and strong I can be. I struggled our first few months of marriage, having recently gotten out of a relationship where I lost my confidence and love for myself. My husband broke down those walls and HELPED me find myself. Sure, I could've done it on my own. But I wouldn't have done it as quickly, and I wouldn't have learned the things about myself that I learned from him.
5. You Need to Learn How to Depend on Yourself. Yes, I'm married. No, I don't have a full time job. But you better believe I have learned how to depend on myself! My husband is gone for the majority of a year every 12 months. He's not here to fix the car and pay the bills for me! Had I stayed home and gone to college, I would've lived with my parents. I wouldn't have had bills, or had to pay my own car insurance, or buy my own groceries. I don't do everything, and I still depend on my husband to help me with a lot of things. But I know that I can take care of myself when he's gone.
6. You'll Miss Having Friends of the Opposite Sex. Really? I don't. Why do you have friends of the opposite sex anyways? For physical pleasure? For companionship? Oh, wait. I get those things from being married. I have a friend of the opposite sex, he's my best friend. He's the one friend of the opposite sex I wanted to spend every single day of my life with. Just because I'm married, doesn't mean I don't have male friends. I just don't really care to have them. I don't crave that companionship. I don't miss having a bunch of guy friends! I have my best guy friend right by my side, whenever I want him!
7. You Don't Know What You Want in a Partner. What little girl, and boy, growing up, didn't have their "Dream Girl/Guy List"? I did. I have always had a list of qualities in my mind of what I wanted in a future husband. Hard working, compassionate, good with kids, a strong religious belief, etc. I was in a steady relationship for almost three years in high school. I thought I found someone who had all the qualities that I wanted. Turns out, I was wrong. I learned a lot about what I wanted from that relationship. Someone who respects me, someone who pushes me every single day to be better, someone who makes me want to be a better person, someone I will be proud to call the father of my children. My husband has qualities I didn't even know I wanted. I didn't know I would want to have someone who makes me laugh every day, someone who I can act like a child with and not care. Someone who gives me butterflies and makes me feel like we are that annoying lovey couple in public. Someone who makes me want to fight for our marriage. Someone I can be comfortable waking up to with bad breath and no makeup. I didn't know I wanted all that. But I do now. And I never would have known I wanted all those things until after I got married. So no, I didn't know everything I wanted in a partner. But I knew the kind of man I wanted to be with. I had things I wouldn't settle on. I had standards I wasn't going to sacrifice for a man, and because I didn't I married exactly who I wanted to marry.
Additionally, here are my own reasons for being glad I got married so young.
1. I Don't Feel Pressure to Have Kids. My biggest dream is to be a mom. I can't wait to have little babies. But I just turned 21. I don't have to worry about my eggs expiring in the next year or two! I can continue to go on adventures and spend time getting to know my husband before we even have to worry about having kids.
2. I Can Still Be a Kid. I don't always act like an adult. But I don't care! I can be silly and immature and act like a fool, and my husband does it right along with me. Getting married meant growing up and having responsibilities, sure. But it didn't mean letting go of my youth and giving up on late night dance parties or karaoke competitions in the car.
3. I Can Still Finish School. I didn't get married and pop out a baby right away (nothing against those who did), so I can take my time in finishing school and deciding what I want to do. I still don't know what I'm going to pursue, but I know I have time to decide.
4. My Husband and I Get to Grow, TOGETHER. Yes, we still have some individual growing to do. But I love that I get to experience life with my husband. I love that I get to watch him grow and succeed and achieve his dreams, and he gets to do the same with me.
5. I Don't Have to Worry About Dating, or Wonder When I'm Going to Get Married. I'm so glad I don't have to do the whole dating scene. I don't have to weed through boys and try to decide what I want. I don't have to deal with crazy, weird people. I don't have to get dumped ever again! I'm glad I didn't have to go on dates with 50 different people before I found my husband. I'm glad that I didn't have to wait until I'm 30 to get married. I love that I will never have to wonder where my husband is and if I will ever find him.
When I told my parents I was getting married, after only talking to my husband over the phone and on Facebook for a little over 4 months, they thought I had gone crazy. They thought I was just rebounding, and I was moving too fast. I was told by numerous people that I needed to back out or at least wait, otherwise it would surely end in divorce. But they were wrong. Maybe we were crazy. I got married 3 months before my 19th birthday. We had only been on two dates in person. But we knew we were right for each other. We had both been in bad, failed relationships right before we were together and we saw the difference in our relationship and knew it was what we wanted. Yes, maybe I could've gone some places and met some people and had some experiences I won't get to have because I'm married. But because I'm married, I know I get to travel. I know I get to feel love and happiness every day. I know I have experienced and will experience things I never would have experienced if I was still single. I love waking up every day next to my best friend, and knowing that I get to have him by my side through every trial, adventure, tear, and laugh for the rest of my life.
Love,
Harmonie
I'm not here to say that getting married at a young age is for everyone. But I don't think any one person should be told when they are ready and should be allowed to get married. From the time I was little all I wanted to be was a mom and a wife. I used to tell my mom that by the time I turned 21, I wanted to be married and have at least one baby. Sure, maybe that was crazy, but it was what I wanted. I was always told I was very mature for my age. I've always known what I wanted to be when I grew up; a wife and mom. Yes, I've always wanted to go to college and perhaps pursue a career, but it has never been my main goal. I had a lot of life experiences that made me grow up fast and prepared me for marriage. My marriage isn't perfect, but I know it was the right decision for me. Marriage didn't ruin my life, it enriches my life every single day. I can, and do, do all the things that these bloggers think only single people can do. Marriage is work! It is full of sacrifice and selflessness and giving up things that you want for the growth of your relationship. The majority of the reasons that these bloggers state for not getting married young are selfish. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself and finding who you are and becoming independent. But there is also nothing wrong with sacrificing things you want for someone else, being a support system for someone, and gaining that support system in return, or changing some of the dreams you had in order to fulfill some of your partner's dreams, or dreams you have together. These are some of these bloggers' reasons to not get married young, and why I disagree.
1. You Need To Sleep Around. Yes this is legit. It's #5 in this article. Good laws people! Really? I NEED to sleep around? I don't NEED to sleep with 15 different guys to decide if I'm going to be happy with the person I marry for the rest of my life. This article states that, "You’re an animal! Literally. It’s in your blood to want to spread your seed, even if you’re a woman. If you’ve only slept with a couple of people and then commit to sleeping with one person the rest of your life…you’ll get “the itch” later down the line." This is why marriages fail! Because people believe there is more for them out there than what they've got. I can't imagine having to sit down with my husband the night of our wedding and have the question of, "How many people have you been with?" come up, as I try to count my fingers, then toes, and then every hair on my head to see if I can remember every person I've slept with. That is not an experience I want. If you got married based on how good your sex life is, then you shouldn't have gotten married. If sex is just some way to release your inner "animal", then you seriously need to reevaluate your life. I learned the hard way that physical intimacy is SPECIAL. It is meant for two people who truly love each other. It connects two people in ways far beyond the realm of their animal instincts.
2. You Make Your Closest Friends While Single. This comes from the same article as above. While I will agree that I made some close friends before I got married, I have also made close friends while being married. Our friendship is not limited to "dinner dates that last for 2 hours, and are way too sober." Actually, we're always sober, and sometimes we do go on dinner dates! But we also spend hours sitting on the couch talking, laughing, and crying. I met one of the best friends I've ever had after I got married and it's a friendship I never would have developed if I wouldn't have gotten married.
3. You Won't Travel As Much/You'll Miss Opportunities/You Won't Meet New People. Also from the same article. FALSE! I'm preparing for my 5th move in two years. I've traveled more in my two years of marriage than I did in my first 18 years of life. I wouldn't have traveled to the places I have if I would've stayed single. I'm not an adventurous person a lot of the time. I'm scared to meet new people, I'm scared to try new things, and I'm scared to go new places. My husband pushes those boundaries and helps me to branch outside my comfort zone. I have done things that I never would've done if he wouldn't have helped me get past my fears and insecurities. I've met people I never would've talked to, gone places I would have only dreamed about, and tried things I never even wanted to try, because I got married. I don't want to travel the world with people I'll never talk to again, or friends who I might not ever see again. I want to travel the world and have adventures with someone who I can reminisce with for the rest of my life! I want to be able to tell our kids about all the things we were able to do and see together.
4. You Need Time To Find Yourself. This is true. It's important to find yourself, to develop confidence and independence and strength within yourself. I truly believe that you can't fully love someone until you love yourself. However, I have learned more about myself through my husband and our experiences together than I ever knew. I've had to learn how independent and strong I can be. I struggled our first few months of marriage, having recently gotten out of a relationship where I lost my confidence and love for myself. My husband broke down those walls and HELPED me find myself. Sure, I could've done it on my own. But I wouldn't have done it as quickly, and I wouldn't have learned the things about myself that I learned from him.
5. You Need to Learn How to Depend on Yourself. Yes, I'm married. No, I don't have a full time job. But you better believe I have learned how to depend on myself! My husband is gone for the majority of a year every 12 months. He's not here to fix the car and pay the bills for me! Had I stayed home and gone to college, I would've lived with my parents. I wouldn't have had bills, or had to pay my own car insurance, or buy my own groceries. I don't do everything, and I still depend on my husband to help me with a lot of things. But I know that I can take care of myself when he's gone.
6. You'll Miss Having Friends of the Opposite Sex. Really? I don't. Why do you have friends of the opposite sex anyways? For physical pleasure? For companionship? Oh, wait. I get those things from being married. I have a friend of the opposite sex, he's my best friend. He's the one friend of the opposite sex I wanted to spend every single day of my life with. Just because I'm married, doesn't mean I don't have male friends. I just don't really care to have them. I don't crave that companionship. I don't miss having a bunch of guy friends! I have my best guy friend right by my side, whenever I want him!
7. You Don't Know What You Want in a Partner. What little girl, and boy, growing up, didn't have their "Dream Girl/Guy List"? I did. I have always had a list of qualities in my mind of what I wanted in a future husband. Hard working, compassionate, good with kids, a strong religious belief, etc. I was in a steady relationship for almost three years in high school. I thought I found someone who had all the qualities that I wanted. Turns out, I was wrong. I learned a lot about what I wanted from that relationship. Someone who respects me, someone who pushes me every single day to be better, someone who makes me want to be a better person, someone I will be proud to call the father of my children. My husband has qualities I didn't even know I wanted. I didn't know I would want to have someone who makes me laugh every day, someone who I can act like a child with and not care. Someone who gives me butterflies and makes me feel like we are that annoying lovey couple in public. Someone who makes me want to fight for our marriage. Someone I can be comfortable waking up to with bad breath and no makeup. I didn't know I wanted all that. But I do now. And I never would have known I wanted all those things until after I got married. So no, I didn't know everything I wanted in a partner. But I knew the kind of man I wanted to be with. I had things I wouldn't settle on. I had standards I wasn't going to sacrifice for a man, and because I didn't I married exactly who I wanted to marry.
Additionally, here are my own reasons for being glad I got married so young.
1. I Don't Feel Pressure to Have Kids. My biggest dream is to be a mom. I can't wait to have little babies. But I just turned 21. I don't have to worry about my eggs expiring in the next year or two! I can continue to go on adventures and spend time getting to know my husband before we even have to worry about having kids.
2. I Can Still Be a Kid. I don't always act like an adult. But I don't care! I can be silly and immature and act like a fool, and my husband does it right along with me. Getting married meant growing up and having responsibilities, sure. But it didn't mean letting go of my youth and giving up on late night dance parties or karaoke competitions in the car.
3. I Can Still Finish School. I didn't get married and pop out a baby right away (nothing against those who did), so I can take my time in finishing school and deciding what I want to do. I still don't know what I'm going to pursue, but I know I have time to decide.
4. My Husband and I Get to Grow, TOGETHER. Yes, we still have some individual growing to do. But I love that I get to experience life with my husband. I love that I get to watch him grow and succeed and achieve his dreams, and he gets to do the same with me.
5. I Don't Have to Worry About Dating, or Wonder When I'm Going to Get Married. I'm so glad I don't have to do the whole dating scene. I don't have to weed through boys and try to decide what I want. I don't have to deal with crazy, weird people. I don't have to get dumped ever again! I'm glad I didn't have to go on dates with 50 different people before I found my husband. I'm glad that I didn't have to wait until I'm 30 to get married. I love that I will never have to wonder where my husband is and if I will ever find him.
When I told my parents I was getting married, after only talking to my husband over the phone and on Facebook for a little over 4 months, they thought I had gone crazy. They thought I was just rebounding, and I was moving too fast. I was told by numerous people that I needed to back out or at least wait, otherwise it would surely end in divorce. But they were wrong. Maybe we were crazy. I got married 3 months before my 19th birthday. We had only been on two dates in person. But we knew we were right for each other. We had both been in bad, failed relationships right before we were together and we saw the difference in our relationship and knew it was what we wanted. Yes, maybe I could've gone some places and met some people and had some experiences I won't get to have because I'm married. But because I'm married, I know I get to travel. I know I get to feel love and happiness every day. I know I have experienced and will experience things I never would have experienced if I was still single. I love waking up every day next to my best friend, and knowing that I get to have him by my side through every trial, adventure, tear, and laugh for the rest of my life.
Love,
Harmonie
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