Before you get your panties all wadded, let me clarify. There is a huge difference between encouraging and teaching your children be religious, and forcing them to.
When I was growing up, I always knew Sundays were the day we went to church. Sometimes I hated it. In fact if we're being honest, most Sundays I probably hated it. When I got to be a teenager I think I hated it even more. I didn't hate the church, or the things I learned or the lifestyle I lived. I hated having to get up and go to church! As I got older I started to wonder if I really had to go. Every once in a while, I would fake sick so that I didn't have to go. You can only fake sick so many times before you have to start coming up with other excuses to not go to church. But my parents never told me that I absolutely had to go. They never pulled me out the door kicking and screaming. They simply told me that it was my decision, but I would have to face the consequences if I chose not to go. Obviously I always chose to go to church because Heaven only knows what consequences my parents could come up with if I chose to skip church! My parents also never told me I had to live the Gospel. They never told me it was the only way, that if I didn't choose it they would disown me. They always allowed me to make my own decisions about where I wanted my life to go. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for parents who have allowed me to be my own person and who have trusted me to make my own decisions.
I was lucky to have those kind of parents, because I watched kids who had the opposite kind. Let me preface this by first saying, I am not a judgmental person. I do not look at other people and think that because they are "sinning differently than I am" that they are terrible people. I don't care what decisions other people make. But, I don't agree with, or particularly like, people who lie and put on fake faces to appease those around them. I remember watching kids in high school who weren't necessarily living the lives that they said they were living on Sunday. They were those "Sunday Mormons." I would watch them go to church on Sunday, mostly because mom and dad said so, and then go smoke some pot and get nasty with their boyfriend or girlfriend. I knew they probably shouldn't be joining us for baptisms at the temple, or passing the sacrament. And again, let me say, there were times when I wasn't at a good place either. I'm not here to say I'm perfect or to judge anybody. There were probably times when I was that Sunday Mormon. But I don't think it really hit me until recently, when I listened to my little brother talk about the things some of the kids talk about in the school halls, or the things they do, and then I see those same kids at church on Sunday or going to do baptisms for the dead in the temple, or acting like perfect angels around their parents. And then I realized, it's because they feel like they have no choice.
Their parents don't sit down and ask them why they don't want to go to church or to the temple. They don't ask them why they don't feel like passing the sacrament. They don't ask them why they don't want to say the prayer at the dinner table. Instead they assume that it's just teenagers being teenagers. They tell them they don't have a choice but to go to church, and that's what the kids believe. Please parents, stop. This is SO HARMFUL. Let me tell you why.
1. It makes your children believe that if they make a mistake, they can't come to you and talk to you about it because you will immediately be angry, instead of talking them through their struggles.
2. It really makes your children believe they have no choice. They can't choose to go to church, they can't choose to attend the temple, they can't choose what they want to believe. They are told.
3. Children who are forced to do things will do the exact opposite. It's like the Law of Gravity. If you tell a child or teenager to do something, or not to do something, they are going to do the opposite. It's just how they're wired, it happens. So telling them that they don't have a choice but to go to church and live the Gospel will make them want to do the exact opposite, and there is a chance that they will end up hating the church later in life. Force a kid to eat broccoli their whole life? Sure there's a chance it'll end up being their favorite vegetable, but it could also end up being the one thing they will never eat.
4. When you shelter your children from everything bad in this world, they're going to go crazy when they finally get to experience reality. I have a cousin whose college roommate wouldn't go swimming with them because she believed swimming with boys would get her pregnant. COLLEGE. If you don't tell your kids what sex is, how are they going to know when they're doing it? If you don't teach them the dangers of drug addiction, how will they know to stay away from them when one of their friends offers? If you keep your child sheltered, they will experiment. You cannot keep the evil of the world from them forever. You can, however, teach them about it. Teach them what sex is, when it should happen, and what can come as a result of having sex. Teach them about the drugs that are out there, what happens when you take them, and why people become addicted to them. Teach them about the evils of the world so that when they are faced with temptations, they know how to react to them.
5. When you teach your children that they have to go to church, have to attend the temple, have to pass the sacrament, etc., when they are feeling uncomfortable or unworthy, you teach them that it is okay to do these things unworthily. What happens when your teenage daughter has sex, and tells you that she doesn't want to go to the temple for baptisms for the dead, and instead of asking her why, you tell her she has to go? She goes. Unworthily, and she knows it. But she did it once, didn't she? So why wouldn't she do it again?
6. Your children will never develop their own testimonies if they aren't allowed to make their own choices. I've always believed in the LDS Gospel. I've never doubted it. However, I always had a hard time relating to the Atonement, until I started making my own decisions. I didn't make the best ones, and I certainly had some missteps. But because my parents allowed me to make my own decisions and choices, I developed my OWN testimony. I no longer have to be told that the Atonement is for me, I KNOW for myself that it is for me. I know because I have had to use it in my own life to fix my mistakes. It's okay for your kids to mess up. It's okay for them to make mistakes, for them to be imperfect. That is the way for them to develop their own testimonies, for them to truly experience the things that we are constantly taught. Make sure that they know this. Make sure they know you will love them and accept them no matter what.
Don't force your children to go to church. Don't force them to go to the temple, or to pass the sacrament. If they are feeling uncomfortable or are making excuses, ask them why. Tell them that it is okay to make mistakes, it's okay to mess up. That's the beauty of the Atonement of our Savior. We can mess up and make mistakes, and we can fix those mistakes. Teach your children that they can make their own choices. Teach them that they can choose to participate in religious activities, but if they choose not to, they will have to suffer the consequences, whether those consequences come from you or Heavenly Father. Teach your children. Encourage them, guide them, and love them. Don't force your children to be religious. Instead, give them the tools they need to make righteous decisions.
Love,
Harmonie
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