If You Can't Respect The Sanctity of Your Marriage, Why Did You Get Married?

Growing up, I watched and heard about a few people I knew get divorced. I heard about men and women who were unfaithful in their relationships. I saw media outlets bombard celebrities who were caught cheating. And then I saw healthy relationships. Marriages where couples fought to stay together, despite all the odds and trials. I don't think I ever realized the effects of divorce and infidelity. Until I got married I didn't fully comprehend the reality of a lifetime commitment. It's hard, and there are some days that I feel completely overwhelmed, but I know I will never walk away. I'll never give up or sacrifice the marriage I have to see if there is something better than what I've got. But it seems like in this day and age, that's exactly what people want to do. When times get tough, or when people see someone who has more money, sex appeal, or whatever it is, they bolt. People are too scared to fight for their marriages. They walk away at the first sign of difficulty, or when something new and appealing passes by.

I don't think I knew, despite seeing divorces happen growing up, just how common they are. Being married to someone in the military is tough, but I can't say the challenges it presents are tougher than those that others face. But I have seen more divorce, infidelity and disrespect in marriages in the last two years than I ever knew existed. Why? Why do people give up so easily? Why do they run when a challenge presents itself? Why can't they stay faithful to the person they promised to stay faithful to until death? Why is it so easy to walk away from something you were once so committed to? Why did you get married if you couldn't respect the sanctity of your marriage? 

I completely recognize that sometimes there are issues in marriage that cannot be solved. Abuse and serious issues are things no one should have to live with. No one should feel obligated to spend their lives unhappy, hurt and miserable. But if there are problems that can be solved, if there is something that can be avoided in order to save your marriage, why wouldn't you do it? As I've watched marriages in the community around us crumble, I've noticed some things. I've watched people cheat and lie and walk away, and these are reasons I see behind those actions. 

1. Immaturity. I think sometimes people get married too young, or even just too soon. I was 18 when I got married, but I knew I was ready and I knew this marriage was something I would never walk away from. Getting married means growing up. It means taking responsibility and being truly committed to something. But I think people get married sometimes just because the idea of being married sounds fun, or because they are still in the early stage of infatuation and they see the other person as completely perfect. They're in La La Land, and don't realize that they aren't perfect, and neither is their significant other. But then they get married and reality hits. They have to pay bills and work and life isn't what it was when they were dating. They realize they weren't ready to be completely committed to one person. They still want to party and sleep around and enjoy the single life, but they aren't single anymore. Then trust issues develop in the relationship, and before you know it they're on the fast track to a divorce. If you can't grow up, if you can't give up flirting with every person of the opposite sex, if you can't get over wanting to party with your friends every night instead of spending quality time with your spouse, you're not ready to get married. I see some marriages like this. The couple still wants to party and play, and they do, so their relationship doesn't grow. Instead of being a couple in love living together, they act more like roommates. Their relationship doesn't grow or progress. So what's the point of being married? 

2. Disrespect. I believe that a key factor in successful relationships is respect. If you can't respect someone, you won't tell them the truth, you won't trust them, and you won't treat them the way they deserve. Why would you stay faithful to someone you don't respect? Why would you want to be in a committed relationship with someone you don't respect? You wouldn't. 

3. Addictions. Drugs. Video Games. Pornography. Anything that takes precedence over your marriage. I don't care what people say, I don't care what your argument is. Pornography is devastating to relationships, marriage especially. If you would rather watch porn than be intimate with your spouse, there's a problem. If you have to look at pornography to get aroused so you can be intimate with your spouse, there is an issue. If you stay up until 3 in the morning every night playing video games and your spouse goes to bed alone, there is an issue. If you come home and spend the rest of your day playing games and you never get quality time with your spouse, there is an issue. I recognize that you can't spend 24/7 with your spouse and let go of being your own person. Everyone should be able to have hobbies and participate in things they love. But NOTHING should be a priority over your marriage. 

4. Sex is Just Sex. I know couples who go to strip clubs for their date night. Why? You watch someone else to get aroused, and then you are intimate with your spouse? Is that all sex is? Just the simple act? There is no emotion, no love, no connection. I watch couples go through long deployments. It's hard, sure. Do I miss that connection with my husband? Absolutely. But I'm not going to go out and sleep with somebody because to me, sex is not just sex. And it shouldn't be just that. If you can't keep it in your pants for a few months, or even a few days, then you should not be married. Infidelity creates a huge lack of trust. It is a wound that, although can be forgiven, can never be forgotten. If you got married so you can have sex every day, you shouldn't be married. Marriage is about more than that, intimacy is about more than that. 

It frustrates me to no end to watch people who can't stay faithful, who are married but don't care to spend time together. Why did you get married? Did you not love that person? Did you not expect to grow old, have children, and make a lifetime of memories with that person? Marriage is a LIFELONG commitment. It should not be something that you look at as expendable. It's not a high school relationship that you can walk away from at any time with no repercussions or consequences. If you are not ready to be completely committed to one person for the rest of your life, save yourself the heartache. If you can't see yourself growing old with that person, walk away. If you aren't ready to make sacrifices and compromises, don't make the commitment. Marriage is sacred and special. It is about love, respect, honor, sacrifice, and so much more. Before you take that step, make sure you are completely committed, and that walking away is not an option. Marriage should be fought for. Fight for your marriage. Love your spouse. Don't ever give up or walk away because it gets hard, or because you think the grass is greener on the other side.

Love, Harmonie