The Tiniest Blessing

Over the last 5 years, I've collected baby items here and there; blankets, clothes, books and the occasional toy. But about two years ago, it became too hard. I stopped seeing the point in buying baby items for a baby we didn't have, and didn't know if we would ever have. It got difficult to walk through the baby section, and pretty soon I was avoiding it altogether. But then, my little sister told me I was going to be an aunt.

Suddenly, I had an actual reason to go into the baby section. I wasn't buying items for a baby that didn't exist anymore! I was buying them for a tiny human growing inside my sister's belly, and I was so excited. I was surprised at how excited I was. I thought it would be more painful, and even though there were certainly days when it was hard, there was an overwhelming excitement and happiness for this new baby joining our family.

I flew home to Utah for the birth of my nephew, and I was overwhelmed the whole way there. I was so nervous. I was afraid that I would get there and have a total meltdown, that I would be overwhelmed with mixed emotions, that I wouldn't be able to love and bond with him the way I wanted to. Maybe those things are completely illogical, but they're legitimate concerns that I had. And yet, when I walked in the room and the nurse brought him back in from one of his tests, I fell in love. He was perfect.

I was lucky enough to spend the 2.5 weeks that I was home at my sister's house, snuggling that teensy baby as much as I could. I was amazed how this little human who wasn't even mine could fill this hole in my heart that had hurt for so long. I realized that this little baby was the closest thing I have to my own babies. Just a short time before I got to hold him, he was with them. That small thought brought me more comfort than I can even explain.

I recently went back to Utah for another trip that was much too short. But once again, I got to spend that time at my sister's house. That tiny baby, although still small, is so much bigger than he was 4 months ago. His little giggle lights up the whole room, and it is so much fun to make him smile. His sweet little dimples melt my heart and I just can't believe how perfect he is.

Watching my little sister become a mom and step so naturally into that role is one of the most incredible things I've ever watched. It's so obvious it's something she was born to do, and the way that her sweet baby boy looks at her is absolutely magical. It's amazing to see how much he loves her and how he knows exactly who she is. She is his entire world, and it's one of my favorite things to see.

I knew I was going to love this little boy, but I had no idea just how much he would bless my life. Seeing the beauty of motherhood in my sister has brought me so much happiness. I've found so much peace in knowing that even if I never had kids, I would have this sweet little boy and his future brothers and sisters to love.

Infertility is hard, and it never gets easier. But when tiny blessings like this little guy come along, it helps me to realize that even through the heartache, Heavenly Father is bringing love and peace into my life in ways I didn't know were possible. Being an aunt to this sweet boy is my greatest blessing yet.

Love,
Harmonie